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28 October 2011, Rainy.

Here's a new song I wrote based on River Flows In You by Yiruma .

Holding on to you is all I ever wished. 
Listen to your troubles and to see your smile, 
Waiting till that day that I could be with you. 
Listen to your prayers and to make it true.. 

Holding you, Holding you.. 
It's in you, River flows in You. 
Waiting till, Waiting till. 
Waiting for you to feel me there...

 Holding you, holding you. 
It's in you , River flows in you. 
Holding on , be with you.. 
No matter it is life or death.... 


Walking on the path of our memories.. 
Looking back and saw that all that I have done.. 
Now that you have left me all for my mistakes ..
I would give my own heart only just for you.. 


Holding you, Holding you. 
It's in you, River flows in you. 
Waiting till, waiting till. 
Waiting for you to feel me there. 


Holding you, holding you,
It's in you, River flows in you.
Holding on, be with you. 
No matter it is life or death. 


Holding you, Holding you, 
It's in you , River flows in You. 
Through your heart, and I feel that.
The river is flowing inside me ..


River flows in you ~
27 October 2011, Rainy.

Walking in the rain, listening to your favorite piece. It doesn't matter how long  does it take, it doesn't matter what's gonna happen in between, it really don't. It will all be worth when you're back. My mind is so filled up, filled up with us, too much of us, I can't even feel how heavy the rain was. My whole body was drenched and I thought that it was only drizzling. I've no idea where am I going, I walked on and on aimlessly/

After a long walk, I stopped at the same place, the place where there was us. My mind started rewinding, the scenes flashed out like a playback, I felt that I've saw everything, but I can no longer feel you. Where are you? Are you there? I miss you. I've been holding on to myself, struggling with my everyday life, hoping that you would come back to me. I tried with all of what I could, I tried not to break down. But it always happen whenever I passed somewhere where we used to be , or if I see you. I don't know what I am now, I kept searching for you, but I don't want to see you. What is wrong with me ?

The same old song kept replaying inside my mind, the same scene comes into my mind over and over again. No, I don't want to be mentally ill, no I'm not. I just need you.
25 October 2011, Rainy.

The wind moaned and the leaves fluttered down like snowflakes, dark clouds swirling around, the lighting struck across that catastrophic scenery. The raindrops began falling down endlessly. I  feel the raindrops on my head, beating on me mercilessly. Sorrow plunged through my soul and drove away everything else. The tears in my eyes can never be seen again, I can't shed a tear. As I listened to the teardrops, a song came up into my mind, the piece that I always played, and you fell asleep on my shoulders. As I ended the piece, you woke up with a smile and you said you love that piece, Kiss the Rain, has been stuck in my mind ever since. Now that you're gone, I wrote the lyrics to that piece for you, to remember your love, for everything you gave me. I love you.

When I am all alone 
I see you next to me 
I tried to hold you hand 
I realised it's all a dream. 

Although your heart is mine 
It's hollow inside
For that reason, 
I let you go. 

Chorus:
And every night.. 
I lie awake, 
Hoping that baby you will come back to me one fine day .. 
And I'll always, 
Wait till you are, 
Back to me ,
To go on 
Without that emptiness .. 

I always ask myself 
How did I lose your heart 
And it is all just me 
I caused it all myself . 

You are my hope and wish
To be next to you 
To be there for you .. 
But this is all apart .. 

Wherever I would go
I see you everywhere
And baby I'm sorry 
Please come back to me .. 

Baby my heart is yours 
It will always be 
And I miss you 
I really do ... 

-Repeat chorus -

When you are not with me 
I'll always feel you there 
To hold on to my hand 
To hold onto your heart once more .. 

Baby my heart is yours 
It will always be 
Never thought that 
I let you go ... 

When I am all alone.. 
I see you next to me .. 
And baby I'm sorry.. 
Please come back to me. 

Baby you have my heart, 
You will always have. 
Cause I love you. 
I'll always do .. .

Girl you know I , 
I'll wait for you.. ...  

-The end- 
24 October 2011, Sunny. 

I'm a friend, that's what you said, but am I ? Things have changed so much quickly. I don't know how to react to it, I really have no clue. I feel more and more restless every minute, I want to end this life, to end the pain. I would rather die than living in agony.

Pain or not, it never lasts. I always thought that it would be over soon, but it comes back again and again, it is repeating over and over again. The inevitable catastrophe struck my life and I can't react in no time. It's worse than anything I've been through. But it really doesn't matter how hurtful it is, I don't cafe what it is. I'm waiting for that one day, that day when you come back to me. I would need nothing more.

Friend or not, it makes no big difference, it won't change my life, it wont take away my pain. But I'll be there for you, as whatever , a friend, a stranger, anything. I will be the one that you think that is perfect. I want to hold on to you, and never let you go. I have got so much to share with you, so much joy. Yeah.. a friend.

If only life is a game, a game that you could reverse your steps. If only I have another chance, to make me see everything, to see you, to hug you, to love you, to protect you, and to make you smile. If, if I could get to see you, to tell you everything, to ask you about life, to help you in anyway. If only ....
23 October 2011, Cloudy.

As I scanned through the calender, I realised how fast time passes. How I wish that I could turn them back. It doesn't matter how will it turn out to be like, as long as I can be with you once more, and not repeat my mistakes again ..

It is the second week without you, and my life hasn't change much after you left. I still see you everywhere, like how I used to, I still love you, much more than how I used to. I still miss you, a lot more. I'm afraid to go anywhere, even into sleep, I'm so scared that I would dream of you and tears come rolling down my eyes, I don't want to cry, I don't want to feel the pain. I even fear to step out of my house, I'm scared that I would bump into you, I'm so scared that I would go to places where we used to go. I'm so scared, I'm afraid of living.

I can never forget how we used to be, I can never forget your presence. Till now, I still feel you there.
22 October 2011, Cloudy.

I often ask myself , 'what's the point of waiting?' I have thought over about it several times, and I've finally got an answer. he w

Love is not about how much I gave you, it's not about how lovely we are. For everything that I give, I only thought of you being happy. But I realised that what I did made you more upset, and the worst thing is that you told me many times and still it kept repeating. I'm sorry, really sorry. Now that I've realised everything, it's too late.

Sometimes you tried to avoid the problems of our relationship, you tried to make our conversation more lively, but I kept on talking about the problems. You're tired, already. I'm really sorry, I should have realise it earlier.
I am waiting, I am waiting for a chance to make up for my mistakes, to treat you better. I love you, because you gave in your everything for our relationship, you always think of me, you made me feel your love, you gave me all that I needed. But it's just me, I saw the other side, I thought I was the one doing all these, and now that I realised that you were actually the one.You gave me so many chances, I didn't cherish them, day by day, our fights got worse, to the point that we can't salvage our relationship anymore.

I really have learnt from my mistakes, I really need you there like how you were. I'm am really sorry, but no matter how many times I were to apologise, it can never make up for the mistakes that I've made. Baby, please come back to me, I will wait for you.
20 October 2011, Rainy.



I'm really sorry, I should have gave in more then, I shouldn't have been so selfish, I should have thought of you more. I'm sorry baby. I can't hold on to it anymore, my life seems so meaningless. Everywhere and everything is you. I miss you. I can't wait to be back with you. I love you.

I went so crazy, so crazy till that I don't even know myself. I don't know, and I don't wanna know who I am to you, to me even. Every of your word can kill me, it can even make me jump for joy. I wanna with with you, I can give up on everything else. I only want you, I need you. I want to be the one always there for you, holding on to you. Baby, come back to me please.
19 October 2011, Rainy.

Sitting down and waiting for your replies patiently, it doesn't matter how cold it is, it doesn't matter what it is,as long as it's you. Till today, I have no clear idea why am I doing all this. Am I crazy? I don't care, its for you, it doesn't matter.

Good or bad news received don't really matter much anymore. That depression in my heart can never be removed. I passed an alley of memories, I saw us , you and me , the times that I can never forget. I'm still waiting for you, just to be with you.

I walked back that same old path again and I don't seem to get tired at all. I see you everywhere, I can never forget everything about us. I dreamt that you were walking by my side along this lonely path, that would bring us back together. I'm so sorry baby, please give me one more chance, I'll promise you I will treat you better. Come back to me please, tell me .. What should I do ?

Everything of me seem so perfect. I used to think that it was perfect because you were with me then. After you left, no matter how perfect it is, the would still be a mark there. I have so many joy to share with you, I have got so much to share with you. But you left. What's the point of having so much but without you? Come back to me, we'll share our sorrow, our joy together. I promise you baby, for one more chance. 
18 October 2011, Rainy.

You were the first person who came into my mind upon revealing my eyes, I can never erase you from my mind, not that I don't want to, I can bring myself to. I miss you, but how am I supposed to let you know, you can't see the pain in me. I tried to be as happy when it comes to you. As I looked through the photos that we took together, I felt like letting everything. Baby, I really need you back, I felt like getting out of this place, get up to the roof and jump down. Everything will be over. I know it's stupid, but I need you desperately. It's killing me.

It's raining heavily out there, it just happens to remind me of you again. Baby, don't get caught in the rain, I'll be your umbrella if you don't have one. As I gazed out into the stormy clouds, it totally explain my feelings. Melancholy smeared across my face as I faced down to look for you, knowing that I will feel worse if I saw you.

I miss your presence, I miss walking you home, I miss walking to school with you, I miss you putting your head on my shoulder, I miss your scent, I miss sitting next to you, I miss your smile, I miss your voice, I miss how the way you react to everything I say. I miss you a lot baby. I'm so sorry. Give me one more chance, I promise you. I won't let you worry anymore. I promise. 
17 October 2011, Cloudy.

As I took a glance up, dark clouds swirling in the sky. Another day has passed. It feels like a dream, I don't see you, yet I can feel your presence.

I woke up from my bed, half asleep, I didn't want to get up. I don't have to motivation, without you. I can adapt to this whole new environment, a new environment without you. We used to walk to school together every Monday morning. It is just this morning I walked in alone. I often turn back and check if you are behind or not.

School started, and I thought that it was a good start. I faked smile out of myself, I tried to be funny by making a fool of myself. I am never as lame, I just want to forget the fact that I am me. I wasn't myself, I'm very sure of that. The moment I knew that you were there, I changed back, to what I was and what I didn't want to be like. I tried to avoid every place that you might go, but trying to look for you on a second thought.

Time files, and I finally got home. I thought I could sleep, without having nightmares anymore. Yes, I didn't get any nightmares, but the nightmare that I thought I had is now my life. The one I'm having now, of you leaving me. I thought of biding farewell to the world. I got off my bed, got changed and ran out of my house. I didn't stop until I got back to where I thought I didn't want to go. I don't wanna miss you, but everywhere is you, everything I do I see you. GOD, CAN YOU FUCKING GET ME OUTTA THIS?!  I'm tired, like you. I'm more tired than ever. For every single time of me trying to salvage our relationship, you stood there turning away. And now that you're tired of everything, of me. I can't blame you for this too. I caused everything myself. I looked back, I saw my mistakes, I saw how stupid, dumb idiotic was I. I can just knock myself on the wall and die. I lost you. The one I loved. I let you go, there's nothing I would say, there's nothing I could do. But, I'll be waiting for you, always.

Girl, I really miss you.
16 October 2011, Sunny.

I went back to the place where we used to be. I can't face anyone, not even myself. I lost you, even as a friend. I don't know if I should go on living like this. Everything would come to an end if I'm gone, I don't want to face it. I can't.

Lying on the bed, half awake. I stared hard into the white and plain ceiling. All I see is you. I miss you. Sometimes I tried to close my eyes and try to stop whatever that I'm thinking. But true enough, I never succeeded. I went for a run today, a really vigorous one. I sprinted from my house to the place where we used to be. Everything came back into my mind. I saw the image of you and me, together like how we always. I closed my eyes and ran past that place. I don't want to remember anything. It's okay if i were to get into an accident, then I would be able to forget everything. I don't even want to remember who I am. .

回想着过去,我无法面对今天的我.我们所拥有的一切却一直停留在我的脑海里. 有时候, 我错了. 有时候, 是我太小气. 我一直认为这一切都是你所造成的. 但今天, 我所看到的都是小气, 自私,一直都在无理取闹的我.我错了, 你也累了. 但我却无能为力, 请你原谅我. 给我一次的机会, 让我爱护你, 守护着你. 我知错了, 对不起. 我爱你.
15 October 2011 , Sunny.

I woke up with my eyes glittering red. It happens almost everyday after you left. Whenever I used to get nightmares, you would always be the first one comforting me telling me that you're still there. But now that the nightmare isn't just what it is. It's the reality that I never want to face. I hugged my bolster so tightly and yelled your name inside my heart as tears penetrate through my eyes. Melancholy strike me mercilessly, I thought to be dead at that point of time, it was so strong that I could hardly hold myself back.

For the very first time, I am so careful with my words when it comes to you. I can't tell you that I miss you, I need you. All I could say that I had a nice day, a nice day without you. How true could it be? I'm getting more and more restless as day pass by. With every of your word, it actually made my day, I miss it when you look into my eyes and assure me, I miss your sweet voice that always never fail to touch my heart. The voice that would always sound in the time of need.

As I passed by the place where we used to be, I can't take my eyes off. I can't bring myself to stop my thoughts of you. Baby, where are you? I miss you. I'm so tired of putting on that fake smile everyday. I'm so emaciated. But no matter what, I will still be waiting for you here.

心情沉重的我只能装作什么都没发生过，失去了你，我自己也不懂自己是谁。 我忘不了你优雅，美丽，毫无瑕疵的微笑。 过着听不到你的撒娇与怨言的日子，我真的很不习惯。 我受的这一切你多看不到。你在哪里? 我好想念你哦。
-永远等待你， 爱着你的我。
14 October 2011, Rainy.

As I turned back, i saw the back of you strolling off in the opposite direction. My heart muscles tighten to the extend that I couldn't feel anything, neither could I have done anything to stop it. I feel so lonely without you, you were always the one who make my day, the one always there for me. Now that you're gone, what left in me is a fire without it's flame. I struggle through my everyday life, I tried so hard to be as happy as I could, I laughed over anything even its not funny just to show that I'm okay. I tried so hard to avoid places we went, I tried to avoid bumping into you. For all I did, I knew that I could not hold on to myself anymore. Every word you spoke ran through the nerves of my brain and struck my heart down. I thought I could make it without you, I thought I can give a smile from my heart without you by my side. I thought.. and I realised that what I thought isn't what it is. I miss you. My eyes would turn red for every single thing I see, I hear, I feel that is affiliated to you. Baby, I really need another chance, I need you. I will do anything for you.
13 October 2011 , rainy.
In the classroom during recess, i rested on a chair realizing that I'm left all alone. I really miss your presence. I really want you back .

After a run at about 6pm , I arrived at a place filled with you. It's a place that neither of us can forget. I can feel your presence even after you left so long ago. Life hasn't been going good without you. The misery of missing you and not being able to see or talk to you really kills.

I decided that maybe I could write up on a song that we used to love. The one that I always play and you will listen patiently by my side, falling asleep in the atmosphere.

I often close my eyes, 
and i can see you smile, 
you reach out for my hand , 
and I'm woken from my dreams ......... 
On my way to school, the wind moaned and the leaves fluttered down like snowflakes. As the music in my earpieces play, scenes reappeared in my mind. I can't make a choice. That smile broke my blank face into tears.

As I was strolling down the stairs during recess, I saw you black and silky hair, I can never forget that scent. Turning back, smiling to my friend while my insides are pleading for you to come back. I have no idea of what I should do now. I miss you.


On my way home siting down at the bus stop, countless scenes of flashback wind through my solidified mind, expressing my apologetic mood. There is nothing I could do right now, you won't even want to talk to me. The cause of everything is me, I'm really nothing without you.

Upon boarding the bus with music sounding in my ears, I couldn't resist it, I can no longer fight my tears back
Baby, I'm so sorry. I need you back.