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17 October 2011, Cloudy.

As I took a glance up, dark clouds swirling in the sky. Another day has passed. It feels like a dream, I don't see you, yet I can feel your presence.

I woke up from my bed, half asleep, I didn't want to get up. I don't have to motivation, without you. I can adapt to this whole new environment, a new environment without you. We used to walk to school together every Monday morning. It is just this morning I walked in alone. I often turn back and check if you are behind or not.

School started, and I thought that it was a good start. I faked smile out of myself, I tried to be funny by making a fool of myself. I am never as lame, I just want to forget the fact that I am me. I wasn't myself, I'm very sure of that. The moment I knew that you were there, I changed back, to what I was and what I didn't want to be like. I tried to avoid every place that you might go, but trying to look for you on a second thought.

Time files, and I finally got home. I thought I could sleep, without having nightmares anymore. Yes, I didn't get any nightmares, but the nightmare that I thought I had is now my life. The one I'm having now, of you leaving me. I thought of biding farewell to the world. I got off my bed, got changed and ran out of my house. I didn't stop until I got back to where I thought I didn't want to go. I don't wanna miss you, but everywhere is you, everything I do I see you. GOD, CAN YOU FUCKING GET ME OUTTA THIS?!  I'm tired, like you. I'm more tired than ever. For every single time of me trying to salvage our relationship, you stood there turning away. And now that you're tired of everything, of me. I can't blame you for this too. I caused everything myself. I looked back, I saw my mistakes, I saw how stupid, dumb idiotic was I. I can just knock myself on the wall and die. I lost you. The one I loved. I let you go, there's nothing I would say, there's nothing I could do. But, I'll be waiting for you, always.

Girl, I really miss you.