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24 October 2011, Sunny. 

I'm a friend, that's what you said, but am I ? Things have changed so much quickly. I don't know how to react to it, I really have no clue. I feel more and more restless every minute, I want to end this life, to end the pain. I would rather die than living in agony.

Pain or not, it never lasts. I always thought that it would be over soon, but it comes back again and again, it is repeating over and over again. The inevitable catastrophe struck my life and I can't react in no time. It's worse than anything I've been through. But it really doesn't matter how hurtful it is, I don't cafe what it is. I'm waiting for that one day, that day when you come back to me. I would need nothing more.

Friend or not, it makes no big difference, it won't change my life, it wont take away my pain. But I'll be there for you, as whatever , a friend, a stranger, anything. I will be the one that you think that is perfect. I want to hold on to you, and never let you go. I have got so much to share with you, so much joy. Yeah.. a friend.

If only life is a game, a game that you could reverse your steps. If only I have another chance, to make me see everything, to see you, to hug you, to love you, to protect you, and to make you smile. If, if I could get to see you, to tell you everything, to ask you about life, to help you in anyway. If only ....