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30th November 2011, darkness.

It's 2am in the morning. I'm either half asleep or maybe it's just that my mind is too occupied. I spent my whole time fidgeting on the bed I came to a stop when you reappeared in my mind. I thought that you were forgotten. I thought I would be alright, I would still be I am without you. Not till I found out that I still have fear. I'm afraid of you, I'm so scared that I couldn't face myself, because I made so much mistakes. And losing you is one of them. Everything came back like a gust, I thought I could lie to myself, I thought I acted well enough that nobody knows. The fear that you used to possess is now tearing me apart, I'm struggling. I wish for nothing else but you. I lied to everyone, and they seemed that they believe it so much just because I looked like I don't care. Now that you're gone , I'm left with the world me and only myself. Not us anymore . I miss you .
11 November 2011, Rainy.
It's 3 am in the morning. I'm still awake. Not because that I don't wanna sleep, I can't sleep. The image of you reformed in my mind, and disappeared again, and came back again. I can't believe that its still there, I thought it should have been gone. Why? Why is it still there?

Life still went on, and I thought that I'm fine. But it was all when I wasn't fully conscious. I woke up and its still there, it's never going off. I just can't hold on with a straight face, I had to make a fool outta myself, I'm being such an idiot. I'm doing all this, to make myself look fine. I pretended that I was, even the worse would happen. I just want you to see that I'm fine, I will go on without you, like a fire without its flame, a bird without its wings. Like how I am, looking like a fool.

I really hope that you're still doing well, and that's why I decided that I should have left. Its enough to see you happy, I would want nothing more than you. I love you.